July 27, 2009

The Workweek in Review

I've been back at work for about a week now, and it has been tough. On the days when I go to work, I've had to get up at 6am to make it in for 7am. I pack my breakfast with me so that I don't "waste" time eating at home. I still go to bed at around midnight, spending most of my evenings preparing food for the next day after putting PK to bed. Sunday nights are partcularly brutal, since we do our cooking for the week.

Since I work relatively close to where I live, I walk partway to work and then subway the rest of the way. I find that this helps to clear my head. The streets are quite serene at 6:30am. There's hardly anyone out there. I feel like I have the whole world to myself. That serenity stays with me at the office for about an hour. When I arrive, the lights are off and there is nobody around. Then at 8am the lights go on and people trickle in, and reality sets in.

I feel a bit lost right now. I'm neither here nor there. At the office, my boss is trying to figure out where I fit in. I feel somewhat forgotten. Frozen in time. I left the office in one state, and when I returned, things were different. Old projects were completed new ones were started. Some team members left, and new ones came in to fill the void. My name was all but forgotten. Where do I fit in now? Where is my momentum from a year ago? I fear that it is lost. I don't feel that I care about any of this anymore. This is now just a paycheck and I'm just riding out the workweek.

On my off days, things feel somewhat normal again, except for the fact that I know that things are different. PK senses that something is up, and has become more attached to me when I'm home. Most of the moms from the mommy group have gone back to work. I sometimes hang out with the stay-at-home moms in the group, but our lives are so different. Do we have anything to say to each other anymore other than talk about our babies?

I have two more weeks of part-time work before PK starts at daycare. I'll have a whole new set of challenges at that time. Hopefully by then, being at work full-time, I'll have found some motivation at work. Or maybe I'll be too busy fighting off whatever germs PK picks up at daycare to contemplate these things. :)

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