Thirty

PK was born last year 16 days before my 29th birthday. That year, my birthday celebration was low-key. Looking back on it, there really wasn't any other way to go about it. I was tired, groggy, and still trying to figure out this whole motherhood thing. Granted, I'm still trying to figure out this whole motherhood thing, but at least I've got somewhat of a routine going.

This year, things were different. PK was 1, and I was turning 30! I know that tons of people freak out about turning 30. After all, 40 is just lurking around the corner! It's the sudden realization that you're not getting any younger, and you can feel it in your bones, less supple skin, and graying hair. Okay, it's not THAT bad. But still, at thirty, you do notice that the parts aren't working as well as they were at 20.

So I guess that thirty CAN be scary if you let it be. I, on the other hand, have always lived by the mantra of "if you're young at heart, physical age doesn't matter". Kind of a funny mantra coming from a pessimist such as myself. In keeping with that mantra and also making up for last year's low-key birthday, I was determined to make the Big Three-Oh happen with a bang, by throwing a huge-ass party at my house.

I put the hubby in charge of the party planning. It was a big stretch for me, since the hubby is by no means a social planner. I was pleasantly surprised in the end. He threw me a BBQ party complete with pointy kiddie party hats, loot bags, and noisemakers. He even decorated the house with streamers and balloons! Impressive!

PK stayed over at my parents' place that night, given as a house full of people at night might mess with her sleep.

All in all it was a fantastic way to celebrate the Big Three-Oh. After having a baby, a big chunk of your life revolves around making sure that the baby's needs are met, so it's nice to be able to splurge on yourself once in a while.
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It's NOT Black and White!!!

While I'd like to think that I am finally over my inability to breast-feed PK and all of the lack of support and dirty looks from some moms in the mommy group, I have to admit that whenever I hear somebody speaking adamantly about breast-feeding, it really gets to me. As I've pointed out, I'm all about breast-feeding. If it works for you, then great. If it doesn't work for you at first, try to get some help. Some people succeed. Others don't. I didn't, and I'm okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is the fact that some of the pro-breast-feeding types think that if you don't breast-feed your baby, you're somehow depriving your baby. And they make moms who have trouble breast-feeding (or can't) feel bad because of it. Just because you have an easy time breast-feeding your kid doesn't mean that it's easy for everyone else.

I know one mom in my mom's group who tried so hard to breast-feed her baby boy. Like me, she had a low milk supply, and decided to up it by taking Domperidone. Domperidone, if you don't know, is a drug used to treat grastro-intestinal problems, and it so happens that one of its side-effects is that it causes people to lactate (I think that this can even happen in men who take the drug). I had a prescription for Domperidone, but I didn't take too much of it, fearing that pumping some drug into my body that wasn't even meant for increasing lactation per se might do more harm than good to PK. Anyway, this mom did take it, and after struggling with breast-feeding realized that her kid also kept puking out her milk when he did take it, and had to keep him upright in a baby carrier after breast-feeding because of the acid reflux. What a struggle! This poor mom was so hell-bent on breast-feeding her kid that I personally think that she lost sight of what was really important - ensuring that her baby was properly fed! When I quietly suggested to another mom that maybe this mom should just supplement with formula, I got an evil look.

Another mom I know of had to supplement her breast milk with formula because, in spite of having an adequate milk supply, her son was still HUNGRY! So she did what her instincts told her to do: she supplemented with formula. Unfortunately, she got an earful from her pediatrician. Her husband ended up having to tell off said pediatrician.

And finally, here is a case that just boggles my mind. A mom friend of mine had her son on formula not long after he was born. She'd ended up with a C-section because of a uterine tear, and ended up with a nasty infection. She ended up on antibiotics and could not breastfeed. One of her mom friends suggested that she just keep pumping her milk and throwing it away to make sure that she still had a milk supply once the antibiotics had left her system, so that she could breast-feed her baby. As if it's not hard enough to take care of a baby, this poor mother had to deal with an infection after giving birth. Why on earth would she also put her body through more stress by pumping milk while SICK just go keep the milk supply going? Fortunately, the doctors at the hospital where she was staying were sensible, and told her to not even entertain this ridiculous pumping idea. People like the mom who suggested the pumping make me sick.

In case you're wondering why I've had the sudden breast-feeding outburst, it's because I came across a mom and baby boutique called Dool Boutique last week. It's an online baby boutique that specializes in products that support breast-feeding moms and baby-wearing parents. It's definitely a nice concept. I do think that many breast-feeding moms get evil looks from people in public and that's totally not cool. What I DIDN'T like was the preachy nature of the Web site when it came to breast-feeding. When I read this page, all of those feelings of inadequacy and anger over the lack of support for formula feeding flooded right back in. I don't appreciate being told (even if indirectly) that I am somehow a bad parent for not having breast-fed that much. And you certainly can't imply that my baby is being deprived somehow because I was incapable of breast-feeding her for too long. Imagine how moms who can't breast-feed AT ALL must feel. NOT cool.

This breast-feeding thing isn't black and white. You can't go around preaching breast-feeding as the be all end all if it ends up harming both the mom and baby. Some people are so adamant about it that I swear that they'd rather see a baby starve than supplement with formula or switch to formula exclusively. Formula is pretty good these days. I can vouch for that. PK is 12 months old and she is a very alert, happy, and energetic little girl. She's smart as hell, and I don't think that her being on formula deprived her of anything. Suck on that.

More Chopped Liver

I totally feel like chopped liver these days. I thought that once I started back at work, PK would realize how much she misses me and would become really attached to me, the way that she is with the hubby. I was WRONG. Sure, that happened for maybe a week. But then it went away. I thought that maybe daycare might make her more attached to me. She was all teary-eyed the first time I dropped her off for an hour, and was really excited to see me when I picked her up, but since then, she hasn't really freaked out when being dropped off or picked up at daycare. I should be grateful, but part of me wonders if it's because she's just not that into me.

The fact is that I am still PK's #3 favorite person, and that's not cool. My mom is #1 and the hubby is #2. The hubby thinks that I'm overreacting and that PK really likes me. It's easy for him to say that, because he's #2! At the rate things are going, I might be bumped down to #4 or #5 if she starts becoming more attached to the caregivers at daycare. I sometimes wonder if her apparent apathy is my fault. I guess I'm not nearly as fun as the hubby is around her. He seems like such a natural. And so does my mom. And even the caregivers at daycare. I am the bad cop. I lay down the law. I enforce the eating and potty-training. I clean up the mess around the high chair while the hubby takes PK down to the basement to play after dinner. I'm the one who misses bathtime due to kitchen cleanup so that the hubby and I have some remnant of an evening together after PK goes to bed. And I'm the one who leaves the room after storytime so that she can have some peace and quiet while the hubby puts her to bed.

(I'd like to point out that I am by no means accusing the hubby of not doing his part with housework and whatnot. He helps out quite a bit, and whenever I decide to do some cleanup - the mess really gets to me, and the thought of PK's high chair surrounded by crumbs and gobs of food is rather unbearable - he always takes PK and plays with her, and does her potty training.)

Maybe she sees that and thinks that I don't like her as much. Maybe I'm just not as caring towards her as I ought to be. I'm so jealous of those moms who say that they have such a bond with their kids. That their kids know that they're in the room without even hearing/seeing them. They wake up when their kids cry. I don't. The hubby does. What the hell is wrong with me???

But I do love PK and I cherish the time that we spend together. I guess I need to beef up the quality time a bit so that she knows that I care. Maybe she thinks that I don't and that's why she acts this way.

Daycare Week in Review

Last week was PK's first week at daycare, and I'd say that it went really really well overall, thanks to that brief transition period beforehand. Of the days she was at the daycare, she didn't really cry when I left, and she didn't freak out when I came to pick her up. She was pretty content overall.

The daycare has a Webcam, and I logged on a couple of times to see how she was doing. I wasn't obsessive about it, mainly because I was actually pretty busy at work (definitely a good thing). From what I could see, PK was having a great time, and the written reports that I got from the caregivers at the end of the day certainly reinforced this. It definitely gives me peace of mind to know that PK is having fun while at daycare. It allows me to carry on about my workday without having to worry about her.

To be perfectly honest, I am quite surprised by how easy PK's transition into daycare was. I am well aware that many kids freak out when they are dropped off at daycare, and also flip out when they see their parents at the end of the day. From what I hear, it's particularly bad for a kid if he or she sees other parents come for their kids when his/her parents are nowhere in sight. I can see how that can be distressing.

Here are some observations that I've made about PK's time at daycare thus far:

1. Eating
PK appears to eat really well at daycare. They serve soft foods (some of them finger foods) as opposed to the purées that she's used to at home. When I tried to go purée-free at home, I've had some limited success. Last night's dinner went particularly badly. All PK ate was half a slice of cheese, some raspberries, a couple of bites of toast, a couple of bites of pasta, yogurt, and applesauce. I have a feeling that doing purée-free at home is not an option just yet. I think that daycare eating goes better because she likes to imitate the other kids. Even though I've been trying to give her what we've been eating, she doesn't seem to find it as interesting anymore. Arrrgh!

2. Sleeping
PK continues to sleep really well through the night (knock on wood). I consider this to be a good thing, because I hear that many kids' sleep patterns go to the pooper when they start daycare. Unfortunately, PK doesn't nap all that well at daycare. She takes two naps per day at daycare, and one is usually 30 minutes long, and the other is usually 60 minutes long. At home, her morning nap is 1 hour long, and her afternoon nap is 2 hours long. I guess that trying to share a sleep room with other kids who wake up crying can make it difficult to nap properly I try to compensate for this lack of napping by walking home with her in the carrier. I figure that she at least gets about 40 or 50 minutes of sleep while I get some exercise. One thing I noticed at daycare that kind of miffed me was the fact that they use her sleep sack as a blanket, and that she sleeps with her shoes on. PK is used to sleeping IN her sleep sack, not with it loosely draped over her. And I don't see how sleeping with your shoes on can be all that comfortable. I only noticed this yesterday and today is a grandma day, so I'll definitely take it up with them tomorrow.

3. Walking
PK is a full-on walker now. She still falls now and again, but when she does, it's usually the bum-led fall when she falls back, or she puts her hands out in front of her when she falls forward. And when she wants to get up again, she crawls to a wall or a table or something to pull herself up to standing again. She is a resourceful little thing!

4. Bowel Movements
Everyone's favorite topic. PK normally poops 3 or 4 times a day at home, most likely due to all that yogurt that she goes through. She has yogurt 3 times a day, so you do the math. Anyway, now that PK's breakfast and lunch are at daycare, her yogurt intake has gone down. They do have yogurt there, but it's not part of their daily routine. One might say that pooping 3 or 4 times a day might be excessive, but it is normal for PK, and when she gets fewer poops out, she's not in as good a mood. So I tried to compensate by bringing some yogurt to the daycare and asking the caregivers to feed it to her. I was told that the daycare has yogurt to feed to the kiddies, so I asked them to make sure that they feed it to her in the morning, along with her cereal (something that they have NOT been doing, in spite of the fact that I bought a box of cereal specifically for daycare). I know she was fed the daycare yogurt at breakfast and the yogurt that I brought was given at snacktime. But that was one day last week, and it has not been repeated since. Arrrrrrrrrrgh!!!

5. Potty-Training
It has been hard to keep up with the potty-training while PK has been at daycare. The hardest part is trying to find time. I usually do it after dinner, but by then I'm annoyed that she hasn't eaten well, and she's over-tired (and therefore hyper) and wants to walk all over the place, and she refuses to take water because she's full from drinking water at dinner and eating the food that she did eat. It also doesn't help that her post-dinner poop keeps happening while she's on the highchair. I so need to time this better. I've had some success with the potty, but it has been all in the timing, and timing is something that I'm just not getting right lately. Fortunately we at least had a potty pee on Saturday, so I guess I should be happy that it's still happening, even though it's to a lesser degree.

All in all, I should be happy about the daycare thing. She's close by, and she seems to be happy. She seems to be more independent, and she responds really well to daycare activities like circle time. And while she's over-tired at night and is becoming a terrible eater, she sleeps well at night and eats relatively well at daycare (in spite of the fact that they won't feed her some stuff that I requested). I guess beggars can't be choosers.

The Critics

I know that I've been going on and on about this potty-training thing. Perhaps to the point of annoyance. I think that I wind up sounding like a broken record at times. It's just that I get really excited about this! Potty-training is a big deal and requires lots of time and effort, and I feel good when we make some progress! I also find PK hilarious during potty-training. All of that peeing on the floor, and the occasional floor poops. And she doesn't even care. Ah, the fun!

But today, I will talk about something slightly different: my potty-training critics! Whenever I tell people that I'm potty-training PK now, I always get asked, "Well isn't it a bit early?" And when I tell them that my sis and I were trained at age 1, they look all bug-eyed. I don't even get into the part where my mom trained me in one week. They might pee themselves. After they get over the initial shock, I often get the snarky comments like, "She won't really understand it at this age." Maybe not in the same way that you or I understand things, but kids at this age aren't dumb. They are sponges. The things you do now end up becoming ingrained in their little minds.

When I tell them that I've had some success of getting her to pee and poop in the potty, I usually get comments like, "Well, just remember that you may have some setbacks sometimes." Don't I know it. It's not like I thought it would be all peachy. I DID step on poop a couple of weeks ago. And I've lost count of the number of times that I've had to clean pee off the floor while trying to make sure that PK didn't step on her masterpiece. Oh, and another favorite of mine, "Well, I suppose it's good that you're getting her used to the idea." Yes, I'm getting her used to it, but I'm also training her. This isn't some occasional thing. It's the real deal.

I put a TON of effort into potty-training PK every day. There are days when I'd rather not have to deal with it. Believe me. It's a pain in the ass for all of us. The hubby is playing along and is doing a great job at helping me out, but I know that there are days when he'd just rather us not train her. But this is something that I believe she can do, and I would prefer it if she wasn't in diapers when she's 3. Just a personal preference. I'm not criticizing other parents' styles. You do whatever you feel is best for your own kids. You're the parent. But don't criticize me.

The Once-Over

Being back at the office has been an interesting experience so far. On the one hand, things seem pretty much the same. A few new people here and there, but it's pretty much status quo. The floor where I work is pretty big and I don't know everyone, and of those who I do know, few actually know that I'm back from mat-leave. Every so often, I'll run into someone that I know while I'm in the lunchroom heating up my food or something.

What I find funny about these co-worker encounters is that they're always pretty much the same. First, they are surprised to see me back. I guess maybe they thought that my maternal instinct would kick into overdrive and that I'd decide to stay home with the baby. The second thing that I notice is that they ALWAYS give me the once-over. I've noticed that the once-over normally comes from the ladies, though guys aren't immune either. I guess they want to see if I've managed to lose the preggo weight. I suppose I'd be doing the same myself, if I were in their place. It's still kind of funny to notice.

Double-Whammy

Last week was not a good week for potty-training. Although I keep at it, it has been really tough to get PK to pee in the potty. She's gotten really good at holding it in while we're in the basement, even though she normally takes a fair bit of water while we're there. She wouldn't even pee on the floor. If she did that, I could at least tell her that this was wrong and could tell her that she should pee in the potty.

I thought that maybe the problem was that her Baby Bjorn potty was too uncomfortable for her little bum. So I bought a super-cushy Safety First pink potty. It's quite cute. Unfortunately, she thought that the seat cushion was a fun toy. Still I persisted. After a week of no progress, I finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel last Friday. After spending an hour running after her with a sippy cup, putting her down on the potty periodically, she could finally hold it in no more. Fortunately, when she relieved herself, it was in the potty. I'd say that the biggest challenge to potty-training has been keeping her ON the seat for long enough. She likes to run around the basement this way and that, and then sometimes plops down on the floor. I figure that if she's going to be sitting, she might as well sit on the potty. But that usually only lasts about 10 seconds before she gets distracted and runs around the room. But alas, this time, I had a yo-yo. She'd never seen a yo-yo before and thought that it was really cool. That distracted her long enough and relaxed her long enough to make her pee in the potty. Success at last!

The following day didn't go so well on the pee front, but I did get a poop in the potty. You win some, you lose some. On Sunday however, came my greatest triumph of all. First off, PK seemed relaxed enough to want to stay in the potty. I don't know if it was a change of heart, or just fatigue (it was pretty close to her morning nap time). One thing that helped as well was that I had a balloon lying around from her baby birthday party last Wednesday. She LOVES balloons, and was quite happy playing with this one.

After a while, I heard a grunt, and then caught a whiff of poop. It has certainly come a long way from the early days of odorless poop. She continued to sit on the potty after her poop, so I made no moves to get her off the potty. Why mess with a good thing?

When she finally DID get up, I was pleasantly surprised to see a puddle of pee along with the poop. It looked completely disgusting, but it was a real triumph! I clapped and congratulated her, and showed PK her masterpiece. I don't think she quite gets it yet. She tried to reach in for the poop again. Too funny. After that double-whammy, I decided to call it a day. It was close to her naptime anyway. Although this potty-training thing has its ups and downs, it's nice to see the ups sneak up on you after a week of downs.

First Day at Daycare

I dropped PK off at daycare this morning. I managed to make it in at a good time, since we were able to skip feeding PK breakfast in the morning. They daycare provides the kiddies with a morning snack, and I was told that if I brought her box of cereal, they could feed it to her.

The nice thing about PK being at daycare is that I get to wake up a full 30 minutes after I was waking up when my mom looked after PK. That and I have a bit more flexibility on when I go home. I will still pick her up at a good time, but at least I don't have to bolt from the office like a madwoman.

Waking PK up this morning was hard. She wasn't quite awake when I went up to her room this morning, but she was nevertheless in a good mood. Although I didn't feed her any breakfast, I did give her a bottle before we left. Out of 80ml, she had 60ml at home, and then the rest on the subway ride over.

I decided to take her in the carrier with me, in spite of the fact that I would also be carrying my big-ass 32L backpack and a bag packed with all of PK's daycare stuff (a box of diapers, a container of wipes, cereal, a hat, a change of clothes, 2 sippy cups, sunscreen, diaper rash cream, and her sleep sack. Somehow I managed. It's a short walk to the subway stop, and then another short walk from the subway to the daycare. Also, fortunately at that hour, the subway was pretty empty, so there was an extra seat for me to dump the extra bag. Carrying that extra bag was tough, since I had to had to hold it. It was quite the arm workout! Going up the stairs was also quite the workout, since I had PK, the backpack, and PK's bag. And I was worried about getting my morning exercise...

I will be sad when PK outgrows the Ergo carrier. I really enjoy having her cuddled up to me on the way to daycare. It's our special little bonding time. I think I'm still okay for the next little while, since she is rather dainty. It has been so convenient having it. It was indispensable during our trip for naptimes, and it has been great for taking her to daycare. It's so much better than having to lug a stroller around (even our little Bugaboo Bee), trying to navigate the often-inaccessible Toronto subway system.

The daycare drop-off went pretty smoothly. PK cried when I took her out of the carrier, but then the caregiver soon put her in one of the highchairs and gave her some cheerios. I unloaded PK's supplies, and kissed her goodbye. She didn't even notice me leave. I was a bit saddened by this, but at the same time, it's better than having her ball her eyes out when I leave.

I hope she has a good day at daycare, and I look forward to picking her up in the evening.

Daycare Half-Day

I know you're all in suspense wondering what happened with PK's half-day of daycare. Well, I am happy to report that PK got over her little meltdown at the daycare on Friday a couple of minutes after I left. I think that my quick exit helped.

When I came to pick her up, she was running around the room, as happy as can be. Then she saw me and wanted me to pick her up. It was very endearing. One of the caregivers gave me a summary of things that had gone on while I was out.

I was told that PK had a ball playing at the daycare, and only went down for 30 minutes in the morning. I think it's because I hadn't packed a sleep sac for her. I find that she sleeps a lot better in one.

She drank 25ml of water, and 60ml of formula, and totally went for the daycare lunch. Lunch that day was shepherd's pie. She's never had beef before; I try to avoid beef consumption due to bad feeding practices of cows in North America which can lead to mad cow disease). I'm pondering whether or not to be anal at the daycare and request no beef for her meals. Unfortunately, beef seems to show up 3 times a week or so in the menu. Another battle for another day. Anyway, she did eat the beef, and didn't seem to mind it. Yay for daycare food!

I'm glad that everything went well on Friday, but I was sure glad to have her back. It was, after all, my last part-time day. After an active morning at daycare, and only a short nap, however, I decided to put her down for a nap when we got home. She definitely needed it; she ended up sleeping for 2.5 hours!

The rest of our afternoon was fun. We played in the basement, continuing with our potty training. She drank a buttload of water and held in her pee for an hour until she could hold it in no more. Fortunately, she relieved herself in the potty.

Although I came pretty prepared for the half-day at daycare, this little exercise has made me realize that there was still a lot of prep-work and some extra supplies to buy before PK started there officially on Monday. We spent part of Saturday getting said supplies. Everything is packed and labelled. I think we're as ready as we can be.

On Monday, I will once again be a full-time employee. It's a bit of a relief, because, although this part-time thing has been good to ease back into work, I did feel like I was in a state of limbo, caught between the world of stay-at-home mom and full-time worker, but feeling like I belonged in neither world.

Now that my mat-leave has officially drawn to a close and I have no more full days at home with PK, I am a biy saddened. I am grateful, however, for the time that PK and I have had together. I have loved seeing her grow and develop over this past year. I wouldn't have had it any other way. It is sad that PK must now go to daycare and I must return to work, but that's part of life. Work is an important part of my life, but now I have to figure out how to properly balance work life and family life, even more than before. I am grateful that my mom can take care of her one day week. They have a great bond, and I want it to strengthen.

Leaving PK for the day will be hard for both of us (probably harder for me), but daycare will be great for her. I'm just glad that I'll be nearby should she need anything.
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Aimless Wanderer

I dropped PK off at daycare for a half-day there today. This time I came prepared! I packed diapers, wipes, a bottle, sippy cups, an extra change of clothes, formula, hat, and sunscreen. I even labelled her clothes and bottles!

We made it down for 9:30am, though I had hoped for 8:30am. Unfortunately, getting PK to sit still in her highchair for breakfast proved to be difficult this morning. I think it's a combination of wanting to walk and also being tired of eating the same thing for breakfast. I know...I need to shake things up.

Anyway, we finally made it down. I was pleasantly surprised when the caregivers remembered that PK had just celebrated her birthday. It's surprising because they've only seen her twice before. I took her down in the carrier again - so convenient - and when we got there, I put her down and unloaded her supplies for the day. As soon as I put her down, she started to fret. She wanted up again, but only with me. One of the caregivers picked her up, but she wanted me. I decided to make my escape, since my presence was only making things worse. Hopefully she's okay. I'm pretty sure she got over it fast enough.

It has been about two hours since I dropped her off, and I have been aimlessly wandering the streets of Toronto. I got absolutely nothing accomplished today, except that I finally picked up her Brazilian passport. I guess I'm just not in the mood to do anything. Now, as my free time draws to a close, I'm rather pissed at myself for wasting the morning away. My fault, for sure. I'm just glad that soon I'll be picking up my favorite little muchkin to spend our last day together before I return to full-time work.
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Happy Birthday PK!

Dear PK,

You are too young to read any of this right now, but I hope that someday when you DO read this, and you'll look upon this post with a certain fondness. Today is your first birthday! I can't believe how the past year has flown. I still remember the day you were born like it was yesterday! I can't remember ever feeling as elated as I did when you came out. You were so tiny and so innocent. So new to this world! Your father and I were both excited and scared. I couldn't even change a diaper before you were born, let alone swaddle you. We had no idea what we were doing half the time, but we tried really hard. We somehow managed, in spite of initial breast-feeding issues, initial lack of sleep, and the emotional blow dealt to me by the death of your great-grandmother Vera. It has been a roller-coaster of a year, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

It's hard to believe that you're that same helpless baby from a year ago. You've gone from spending all of your time on your back, to being able to roll over, sit up, crawl, and even walk! Heck, you're even managed to climb up a few steps on your own! Your walking has improved significantly since you took your first steps two months ago, and now you're on the verge of running. I love how you now toddle around like a little drunk alien, run to my open arms when you're on the other side of the room, and hug my legs when I'm working away in the kitchen. Right now, as we attempt to potty-train you, your enthusiasm for walking is getting a bit in the way, since you like to get up from your potty and walk around. Usually carrying the cushioned seat with you. You are such a source of amusement!

You've gone from relying purely on breast milk and/or formula for sustenance, to eating chunky foods and drinking water. I think you'll have a sweet tooth like your daddy and your maternal grandma. You definitely like your applesauce and your yogurt, and you're always eyeing mommy's home-made cookies. You little rascal! You've mastered with your hands, though you miss on occasion. I think you really enjoy feeding yourself, especially if the food that you're eating is cheese. The mess around your highchair drives me crazy. I am constantly having to pick up chunks of food and crumbs from the floor. I think you take great pleasure in dropping food from your high chair, partly due to your recent discovery of gravity and partly because you like pulling on my hair as I pick up food from the floor on my hands and knees.

When you were born, the main sound you made was crying. Oh, what a distinctive cry! It still sounds the same as it did a year ago! Then you added cooing, gurgling sounds, screeches, lip-buzzing, and even some distinctive "da", "ma", "ba", and "va" sounds to your baby vocabulary. You're still into your screeches, though your new thing is trying to say things with a deep raspy voice. So funny to hear! It's hard to believe that as I write this, you're trying to say your first words.

You are SO ticklish right now, especially on the bottoms of your feet and on your armpits. You giggle so much when I tickle you there. I often tickle you just to hear your laugh. Oh, and how I love that laugh. I will never forget the day when you laughed for the first time. You were about 2.5 months old. We were getting ready to go out, and we had you in the bassinet in our room. Daddy went over to where you were, and started going "Hehehehehe". For some reason, that made you crack up. There was such gusto to your laughter. We were able to capture this on video, and I'm grateful for that, because whenever I feel sad, I put on that video. You were so tiny back then!

We took you to the library for storytime when you were almost 3 months old. After months of singing songs and doing rhymes with you, you finally started recognizing them. I remember how much you delighted in hearing a familiar song or rhyme. Now you even ask for certain songs, like mom and dad's home-grown dragon song, or "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" by opening and closing your hands, just like I used to do for you at storytime. Speaking of storytime, you sure like your books. You usually can't sit still enough for me to finish reading you a book, but you definitely like flipping through books, upside-down, right-side-up. You're really into touchy-feely books, and into books with flaps on them. Your favorite bed-time book is still "Goodnight Moon". We've read that to you every night since you were 2.5 months old. You also really like "Pat the Bunny", especially the peek-a-boo page, and the page with mummy's ring. Speaking of peek-a-boo, you've really gotten into playing that these days. You use your hands, toys, and even your bib to play peek-a-boo with us. I think you could go on and play that for hours!

I still can't believe how this year has flown by. I feel bad that I have to go back to work when you're just beginning to blossom into a beautiful young lady. I know that we'll be spending less time together from now on, as I transition into full-time work and you transition into daycare, but I promise to make the time we spend together count.

I hope that you have a wonderful first birthday at home with grandma. I can't wait to see you tonight and to give you a big hug, tons of kisses, and lots of tickles!

Here's to you, my darling little PK. My wonderful little daughter who has brought so much joy and love into so many peoples' lives. I love you very much. Happy Birthday, my little munchkin.

Love always,
Mom

Party Time

I don't know how I pulled this off, but today I threw a birthday party for PK with a bunch of her little baby friends (her actual birthday is tomorrow). When I say a bunch, I mean with 7 other babies and their moms. It was PACKED! I have a nice little play area set up in the basement, so everyone hung out there. It worked out well because it kept the inevitable baby mess confined to one area.

All in all it was a very successful party. I think that the babies had fun, and so did the moms. Not all of the moms knew each other (I had a mix of mommy group moms plus some other moms that I knew from other parts), but I think they all got along pretty well. All of the babies except for two are walking, so it was very entertaining to see all of these little kids walking around like little drunk aliens. There is something so endearing about a walking baby. PK was walking up a storm, going this way and that. Stealing toys from anyone and everyone. The other babies did the same. I guess it's a baby thing. Of all the toys I had in the basement, however, the big crowd-pleasers were the balloons that the hubby had blown up for me the night before. I didn't realize how much babies enjoy balloons. Fortunately, none of the balloons popped while the babies were playing with them. Two of them popped while I was cleaning up, however. Thank goodness PK wasn't around to be startled by the popping.

At the party I served up some snacks and pizza for the grown-ups, and I baked some banana/oat cookies for the babies (recipe courtesy of Fawn). These cookies are great because they are soft and chewy, and contain only oats and bananas. That's IT. I don't think that all of the babies liked them, but PK sure did, and she's my #1 food critic. She liked these cookies so much that she kept trying to steal them from other babies to eat herself. Freaking hillarious to watch!

By the time we sang PK the birthday song, she was absolutely beat. I don't blame her. After an afternoon of running around stealing toys and food from other babies, I'd be pooped too. She didn't actually get to have any cake because I put PK down for a nap right after we cut the cake, but she'll definitely be having some tomorrow, on her actual birthday. By the time I came back downstairs from putting PK down, the other mommies were also getting ready to head out. I guess most of the babies follow more or less the same schedule and nap in the early afternoon. And even if they don't normally follow that schedule, I'm sure that a few hours of playing in the basement tired them out quite a bit.

Once our guests had left, cleanup wasn't too bad, since the mess had been confined to the basement. It only took me about an hour to clear everything up, so it wasn't bad at all. PK was still fast asleep, so I managed to get another 1.5 hours just to myself. I was pretty tired out after running around, up and down stairs, answering the door, getting food, and making sure that PK stayed out of trouble. It was a tiring day to say the least, but it was totally worth it. I'm really glad that everyone came over to share in PK's special day!

Losing the Potty War

Potty-training hasn't been going all that well for the past few days. Although I've had quite a bit of success in getting PK to poop in the potty, she still doesn't quite understand that that's what the potty is for. Also, my biggest difficulty right now is to try to get her to sit in the potty long enough to pee.

Since last Thursday, I managed to get PK to poop in the potty 3 days in a row. I could not, however, get her to pee in it anymore. She either peed on the floor, or peed in her diaper. She never sat on the potty long enough to pee in it, unfortunately. Lately, it appears that she has deemed the potty to be evil, and as a result, she holds it in until well after we put a diaper on her. I thought that maybe the potty was too uncomfortable for her. It was, after all, leaving a mark on her cute little baby bum-bum. So I went out and got yet ANOTHER potty (we have 3 different ones now); one with a padded seat. This potty is a bit higher than PK's usual basement potty, but she gets up on her own anyway and zips across the room. She has also decided that the seat cushion is lots of fun and keeps pulling it off. This potty also has a lid, and she takes great delight in opening and closing the lid.

I will keep up with the potty-training, but I must admit that I feel beat. I wish I could figure out how to keep her on the seat AND make her relaxed enough to pee in the potty. Out of desperation I tried putting "Finding Nemo" on the TV, but she doesn't really like TV, so that idea was a bust (though I must admit that I am relieved by this). Anyway, I'll kee it up. I'm bound to make some progress at some point...RIGHT???
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Chit-Chat

PK has gotten VERY chatty over the past few weeks. About one week before I started back at work, she FINALLY started saying "mamamamama". My mom, the hubby, and I had all been working very hard at getting her to say this. Before this major milestone, she was really into saying "dadada", and sometimes "bababa" or "vavava". She is still very much into saying "dadada", and I am very much impressed by the number of different inflections that she can come up with for "dadada". We have "DA!", "daaa-ahhh" (singing!), "dadada", and so on.

Next to "dadada", "mamama" is her second-favorite sound to make. And I think that she even says it sometimes to refer to me. My mom says that while I'm at work, she is constantly saying "mamama". She does that sometimes with me too, and it's very heart-warming to hear.

Besides being able to say "mamama", PK is also trying to say some words, like "duck" ("Duh! Duh!"), and "ball" ("Ba! Ba!", which degrades into "Da...da..."). My mom also taught her how to say "uh-oh", as a result of her oft-used expression around PK, "Uh-oh! Spaghetti Os!" (children of the '70s and '80s probably remember this one). It's totally cute to hear her repeat "uh-oh" when you say it to her. Another word we're working on is "up". My mom, the hubby, and I all say "up" to her whenever she holds up her hands to be picked up. She's finally getting there.

Some other words-in-progress are "water" (or "àgua" in Portuguese - we can't really tell which language she's trying to use for that one since the baby version sounds mangled). The other word is "Vovó", which is the Portuguese word for grandma. Right now it kind of sounds like "vava" when she DOES say it (which isn't too often).

Overall for communication, PK has gotten pretty good at gesturing. As I'd mentioned before, when she wants to be picked up, she stands right in front of your legs and puts her arms up. When she wants some food that's on the table, she kind of points to it and makes an "unnnn" sound. She has also started shaking her head when someone says "no" to her. I'm not really sure where she got this from, but I gather that when one of us says "no" to her, we must shake our heads at the same time. It's funny to realize what we do sub-consciously!

The most amusing thing that PK has been doing to date, is experimenting with different sounds. Right now she has discovered her raspy voice. This started mid-last week. She seriously sounds like that kid from "The Shining" who goes around screaming "REDRUM!", except that her version either sounds like a growl or a raspy rendition of "da". I must remember to get this on video, as I am sure that she'll get bored with this pretty soon.

It's so delightful to see PK's language skills developing, and I look forward to finding out what her real voice sounds like (though I may regret this once she starts talking back to me).
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Walking Machine

PK is a walking machine these days. She has finally gotten over her fear of falling, and is bold enough to take steps on her own to get from point A to point B. I think that she quite likes it, because she can hold an object in each hand while walking. One important aspect to her getting over her fear of falling is that she has learned how to fall properly. Namely, when she loses her balance, she just flops down onto her bum. Also, I've noticed that if she falls forward, she knows to use her hands to break her fall. Not bad.

Since PK has done a LOT of walking over the past two months, she managed to completely trash the very cute Jack and Lily walking shoes that I bought her two months ago. As a result, we had to go out and buy her some new shoes last weekend. This time, we went for harder-soled shoes from a brand called Minibel. The Minibel shoes were deathly expensive (retailed for $72 plus tax), but luckily we caught some crazy sale and ended up paying only $45 after tax. Not bad for fancy French shoes. We clearly didn't know what we were getting into! While the new shoes took a little getting used to, PK does seem to enjoy them. She uses them only for outside walking, however. For inside walking, I just let her roam around in her bare feet. I hear that this is a good way for babies to improve on their walking.

And speaking of that walking thing...one interesting thing to note is that when a place is unfamiliar to PK, she still prefers to take my hand to walk around. Once she becomes more comfortable, she is able to take steps on her own. Once that happens, look out, because Babyzilla is on the prowl!

PK has definitely gotten VERY mobile in the last little while. She uses a combination of crawling and walking to move about. If she falls on the floor, she crawls to the nearest place that she can use to pull herself up to standing, and then off she goes. These days, she can easily walk from one end of her room to the other. She loves zipping around the basement, this way and that, and does the cutest thing when she walks. She puts both hands on her tummy while she walks, and makes an "mmmmm" sound. It's hillarious to watch.

She has lately become quite fascinated with stairs, and for a while there, I couldn't figure out why. Then my mom mentioned to me that she taught PK how to go up the stairs. There was an ulterior motive behind teaching PK this new skill. Namely, my mom is finding PK to be too heavy to carry up the 3 flights of stiars to her room, and decided to make things easier on her by teaching PK how to go up the stairs. Nothing wrong with that. I do find it hillarious though! I still haven't seen this stairclimbing in action, since I usually carry her up to her room. I did, however, notice that these days, whenever I carry her up to her room, she always wants down. At least now I know why. Little miss independence wants to climb the stairs by herself.

This newfound mobility is definitely a wonderful thing. PK is much happier because she knows that she can get to where she needs to go without my assistance. She's even starting to learn how to run. Right now it looks mor elike a fast, stumbly walk. She'll get this running thing down pat in no time, I'm sure. Of course, now that she's more mobile, I have to watch her like a hawk, because does does move pretty quickly.

When I think back to the day when she was born, where she couldn't do anything for herself, and I look at her now, almost a year later, she is so independent. I certainly miss the early days of her being all quiet and cuddly, but this is also a very exciting time for her. She is so curious about the world and so full of energy, and it is just wonderful to see her marvelling at everything in sight, and discovering all of the wonderful things around her.

Daycare Transition #2

Yesterday (Friday) was daycare transition day #2. As you may recall from my first transition visit to the daycare, PK only stayed there for a relatively short time, and I was there the entire time. On Friday, we shook things up a bit. I dropped her off at daycare to spend a whole hour there without me. I was a little bit nervous about this. PK already gets a bit upset when my mom takes care of her while I'm at work. She behaves well enough, but she definitely notices that I'm not there. This time, she'd be in a completely unfamiliar setting. How would she react? Would she cry when I left? Would she even notice me leaving?

We arrived at the daycare just before 10am (we had a bit of trouble making it out the door today). I decided to take her in the carrier again. It made it easier for me to get out the door, and I wouldn't be a slave to the subway stops with the elevator (the stop closest to the daycare has no elevator). When we arrived at the daycare, I left some diapers and wipes with the caregivers, along with a sippy cup full of water, and said my goodbyes.

PK didn't really notice me leave, since she was too busy playing with a ball (she LOVES playing with balls). When I walked out the door, she stared at me for a bit, and then she was suddenly out of my field of view. While part of me was a bit sad that she didn't cry for me when I left, I was overall quite pleased at the same time. Hopefully it meant that she would have a good time.

I was away for about an hour, running some errands in the area. When I got back to the daycare, I heard a cry that I was pretty sure belonged to PK. Lo and behold, I was right. The poor little thing was in tears. The caregiver who was in the room with her told me that she was probably tired and hungry. While I'd brought a snack for her, I didn't leave it at the daycare. And the caregivers didn't want to put her down for a nap because they knew that I'd be picking her up soon. Fair enough. My bad on the snack thing.

From what I was told, PK did behave pretty well overall. She was walking all over the place and appeared to have had fun. She did get upset, however, when all of the other kids were drinking milk and she wasn't. While I'd brought some formula with me, I didn't leave it at the daycare. I figured that nowadays, she only has formula in the morning and in the evening, so I just left the sippy cup with water. I should've realized that when I kid sees other kids doing something, they want in. I guess the caregivers didn't want to give her any milk because they didn't know if I'd already introduced milk to her. It's a fair precaution. For all they knew, she could've been allergic to milk.

I also found out that her diaper hadn't been changed. While I had left diapers and wipes for her, the caregiver with whom I had left the diapers hadn't communicated this fact with the other caregivers, so nobody changed her diaper. I'm a bit surprised that they didn't change her anyway, but the only thing I could figure is that they were afraid that I'd be some crazy mom who ONLY wanted her kid to wear brand X of diapers and use brand Y of wipes. And on top of that, since I wouldn't be gone for very long, they didn't use their own diapers on her, figuring that I'd have some diapers with me. I'd like to think that that's probably what happened. At any rate, one of the caregivers changed her diaper before we left. PK was totally beat at this time, and I knew that she would fall asleep in the carrier in no time. Sure enough, she did. She slept for about an hour in the carrier while I walked home. I was exhausted by the time we got home, but I was relieved that she had gotten a little nap in.

Next up in the daycare transition, I'll be leaving her for a half day next week. I really hope that she does well. Regardless, I will make sure that I come prepared with diapers, wipes, a hat, a snack, a sippy cup, and, and a bottlle of formula. Look out daycare, here comes PK!

Oh, Crap!

Potty-training continues to have its ups and downs. PK still continues to pee on the floor (usually near the piano), and lately, I haven't been able to have her sit in the potty long enough to pee in it. All she wants to do is walk around. While I love the fact that PK is mobile, I hate the fact that she doesn't sit still in her potty. My usual bribes have not worked lately. My mom seems to get her to sit in the potty, and I wish I knew what her trick was. She says that she just sits PK down on the potty and makes "shhhhh" sounds to coax her into peeing. I've tried the same thing. PK finds this sound very amusing (and has even started imitating it), but not amusing enough to stay seated. At least not in the potty. She'll sometimes get up, walk a bit, then plop her bum on the floor, at which point I move her back to the potty. She then proceeds to get up, walk, and plop her bum on the floor. You get the picture.

Poops in the potty have been a bit more successful. I've managed to get PK to poop in the potty for three days in a row now. Each time has been after dinner. While she normally likes to take a poop in her high chair, her post-dinner poop of late has taken place about 20 minutes or so after dinner, which is when I've been doing the potty-training. Getting poop out of a potty isn't exactly fun (especially now that it's smelly turd - eeew), but at least if she gets the idea that the potty can be used for pooping (and peeing), then this will all be worth it.

At any rate, today, I got her to poop in the potty again. She was standing near the potty doing some grunting, and no sooner did I plunk her onto the potty than a poop did materialize inside said potty. Whew. I clapped and congratulated her, and showed her the poop in the potty. She tried to grab it. I intercepted, and she walked off. I grabbed some kleenex and threw the poop into the garbage. She was at the other end of the room when I heard some more grunting. So I went after her, lifting her by the armpits over, and plunked her on the potty. She got up, and started walking around. I proceeded to grab a Lysol wipe and wiped the inside of the potty from when she had the poop in there. All of a sudden, I started slipping on my right foot. I didn't need to look down to realize what I had stepped on. You guessed it - it was a (now squished) turd on the floor, from when I airlifted PK onto the potty following her second grunt. Clearly I didn't move quickly enough, because she did indeed have a mid-air poop. When I look back on this, I can't help but laugh, but at the time, I was COMPLETELY grossed out. There was smushed up poop on the floor and on my flip-flop (thank goodness I was wearing flip-flops), and a baby running around with a dirty bum. I quickly grabbed some Lysol wippes and started wiping down the floor. Thank goodness the floor wiped up easily. And so did my flip-flop. That was some bit of nasty. The hubby missed the entire incident (I'm sure he's grateful for that), because he was off vacuuming the house. Lucky bastard!

I guess I should consider myself lucky because at least I wasn't pooed on. I'm still waiting for that one to happen, however. After stepping on poop in the basement, there's not much else that can shock me when it comes to potty-training.