August 21, 2010

Birthday Funk

I am turning 31 on Sunday. I was really excited about turning 30 last
year, especially since it was the first birthday since PK was born
that I got to celebrate in style. (The hubby threw me a kick-ass party
last year). That and 30 is a cool milestone.

But 31 is different. I am not looking forward to my birthday at all.
It is just a reminder of how much I hate the direction that my career
has taken and how I feel like I've accomplished nothing in my 9 or so
years in the workforce. And that leads to an enormous amount of
apathy. I feel like a working zombie. I get my stuff done, but the joy
and passion are gone. I couldn't tell about the latest Java
technologies, and I could care less. Technology doesn't excite me the
way it used to. Quite frankly, I don't even know what makes me tick
anymore. Worse yet is that I don't feel like I'm in the position to
make a drastic move because of PK. Childcare arrangements and income
hamper my adventurousness.

Truth be told, I don't even know what other career I'd like to get
into. Well, I kind of do, but I'm too much of a coward to make a big
leap. And, this sounds silly, but I would feel like a career outside
of IT would be a waste of my engineering degree. Or rather, I'd
somehow be a disappointment to my parents if I got into something like
photography (which I totally love), which technically doesn't even
require a degree.

And now it's almost 2am and PK will be up at 7:15am and as usual I
will be sleep-deprived. Plus I totally messed up a dessert that I was
bring over to my parents' place on Saturday for my birthday
celebration. The dessert required 14 eggs, was a bitch to prepare
(first time making it) and I didn't leave it in the oven long enough
so it ended up looking like a yellow gooey mess. If you have me on
Facebook, be sure to check out the pic I posted of the disastrous end
product. Needless to say, this just adds to my pissy mood. I will
probably obsess over this recipe for the entire weekend. But I

Hopefully I'll get out of this funk. Maybe all I need is a new
sportscar to make it all better. Happy birthday to me.

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1 comment:

Fawn said...

When I was in Ottawa last summer and met up with two of my girlfriends (also moms) for supper, we all talked about our lack of motivation and satisfaction with our work. We'd all reached a place in our work where change was needed if it was to be interesting again.

In finance, there's an expression called a "sunk cost". It means just because you've put money into something (say, a furnace), doesn't mean you should necessarily continue using that particular furnace rather than replace it with a different one -- you need to look at the outcomes and what's going to get you the best results.

Now may not be the time, but if you need to make a career change (something that is *supposed* to happen several times in your lifetime, right?) you can't think of your engineering degree as wasted. You learned stuff about a particular field, true, but you also had broader gains: learning to be disciplined (though i doubt that was a problem for you!), learning to meet standards others set, learning to manage time, learning how to learn, learning how to THINK! And you have a piece of paper that proves you are up to caliber. Moving onto a different, unrelated career doesn't change any of that.

Michael and I were both scared when he went from government to self-employed. But he was so miserable at his government job it wasn't worth it. Since I have a good job anyway, I'd rather have less money and a husband who enjoys his work. It affects sooo much of life when you hate what you're doing half the time.

Good luck muddling through all the hard decisions and, for goodness sakes ENJOY your birthday! 31 isn't so bad, I promise. :)