September 23, 2010

Finding My Passion

This week at work has felt awful. And this isn't my usual hang-up of where I am in my career in relation to others. I don't really care about that right now quite frankly, it's a bit childish. I am where I am as a result of decisions that I made early in my career re: work-life balance. You win some, you lose some. In the end, I think I've won in that respect. I lead a balanced life an I have a job. So I should stop bitching about that.

Instead, the thing that's bothering me now is that I am not enjoying my job anymore. I think I've outgrown it. I don't like doing the same thing day in and day out. It gets boring and that's not me. The thing is, I don't even know if IT is "it" for me anymore (no pun intended - really). After years of working in this industry and seeing the same crap happen over and over again on different projects with different characters, it gets...well...tiring. And disheartening. And then there's the realization that we are on this Earth for too short a time to be dicking around with stuff that doesn't make us happy. Especially if that "stuff" is within the realm of our control.

I want to have fun. I want to BE fun again. The hubby told me the other day that I was not fun anymore. Was it because of the added responsibility of having a child? Is it because I have to balance this work, wife, and mommy thing along with keeping a house in semi-functioning order? Maybe. But if that's the case, then that sucks. Because I WAS fun. I made stupid jokes and did silly things and boasted "the world's greatest sense of humor" - where did it all go?

I need to get that back and I need to feel like I'm working toward something useful again. Useful for ME. So today I expressed my unhappiness to my manager's boss, telling him that I felt that my talents were being under-utilized. Which is true. I went out on a limb. I'm in a pretty cushy place now. Bit cushy is depressing the shnitzers out of me.

In the meantime, I will see about getting off my arse and pursuing my true passion of photography. Which means that I need to put up a gallery of my stuff and start taking some bleepin' pictures (especially after I bought myself a new camera body for my b-day).

Wish me luck!

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2 comments:

Meandering Michael said...

G'luck!

Fawn said...

Gook luck, Indy! I say GREAT for recognizing there's no winning when you stick it out in a depressing environment that you have the power to change. And when you no longer hate the place where you spend a good 50% of your waking hours, I'll bet you'll find that sense of humour again. :)