February 28, 2011

Oh, Baby

Warning: This post may offend some.

Babies have been on my mind for the past few weeks. Again. It started on Friday. I had a couple of my close guy friends come by for pizza and shooting the breeze. (My engineering friends are awesome.) I was told that two of our our mutual friends' wives are preggo, both of them due in August. It was awesome news. Especially since we are dying to get rid of some of our old baby stuff and we are too lazy to go and donate this stuff ourselves, so right now it's just cluttering our house.

After all the usual questions of the pregnancies were out of the way (which, by the way, they couldn't answer that well because they are both single and they are guys - enough said), they started asking me about when #2 was coming. I said that #2 was not in the plans. My friend H was saying how having another kid makes it easier if/when your parents get sick. It becomes less stressful, having to share the burden with a sibling. My friend T said how he loves having a brother and that they are so close. I can relate. My sis and I are pretty close. But those aren't exactly sure-fire reasons for having a kid.

But still. They planted the seed. Then this past weekend, I found out that one of my mommy friends was expecting her second child in August. I should've been happy for her, but instead, I was just angry and incredibly jealous.

This mom friend of mine is 42. Her first child came as a total surprise to her and her husband, as she found out she was pregnant shortly after her honeymoon. And also after having been told years earlier that she would never be able to have children. This kid is obviously a totally awesome blessing. I know...I sound like a total douche for not being happy for her with baby #2 on the way. Anyway, of all of my mommy friends, there were 3 of us who were part of the One Kid Club. She was one of them. She'd told me over a year ago that #2 wasn't in the plans. I know that plans change, but man, I feel so betrayed. Yes, you probably think that I am an even bigger douche the more you read this blog post.

The thing is, people are just very judgmental when it comes to kids. Society dictates that having two kids is ideal. People are totally looked down upon when they have no kids. I am ashamed to say that I catch myself looking down on couples with no kids. I wonder if they must be sad that they don't have any kiddies to brighten their lives. Or I wonder what's wrong with them. It's so terrible that I think that. Especially since there are some couples who have no business having kids. Nothing against them. It's just that some people just don't have the desire to be parents, and don't have the parental instinct. Which is perfectly fine. It's completely logical.

Having only one kid seems just as bad to society at large. Most people, after their first kid, have their sights set on their second...either right away, or at least the works for 2-3 years after #1 is born. It seems to me that people view a family of 3 as incomplete. And you know what? So do I. I don't know why. I mean, I look at some people I know from daycare with one kid, and I keep wondering things like, "Gee, what's wrong with them? Why do they only have one kid?" Yup, I'm a total hypocrite.

The truth is, I'd love a second. PK is at an age where she loves babies - both real babies and doll babies. She'd make an awesome big sister. I love having a sister. I can confide in her, and I can complain to her. She's one of my best friends. I feel sometimes like my "justifications" for having just one kid are just excuses. Or maybe selfishness. Plus the hubby isn't quite keen on another kid, and well...it takes two to tango.

But then I see all these parents with two kids who are absolutely exhausted. And tapped out for cash. But then they also tell me about how cool it is to see their kids playing together. And then I look at my lifestyle. While I may be tired a lot of the time, I only have the one kid to worry about. Plus I still get to do a lot of stuff that I enjoy doing, even if it isn't in the quantities that I'd like. I still get to work out regularly, I get to keep up with my music and my photography. Plus, I have the one kid. Should I not be happy with what I've got? She's a pretty good kid overall, even if she can be a total diva and a royal pain in my ass sometimes (in a good way...). Let's not forget the fact that while daycare is expensive as hell, it's not breaking the bank for us. After all, we only have the one kid. Things become financially tight with two kids. So does space. We have a 2-bedroom (both ensuite) plus den. Another kid (especially different sex) would force us to move out of our house. We love our house. Really. It kicks ass and the location is awesome.

But I know that families manage with two kids. Hell, even with three kids. And pets. I guess because they have to. And because they want to. Maybe I am being selfish for not wanting another kid, but then I'm still whining because I want another one without wanting to change my lifestyle. Bugger.

Okay, now that I look at this post, it looks totally dumb and whiny. Sorry. Oh well.


Meandering Michael said...

Having two was hard for us, but now it seems like having two is even easier than having one was. They entertain each other and teach each other lessons that we, as parents, couldn't (like how to defend oneself in a physical attack).

Mr. Shiny and New said...

Don't judge yourself based on what other people think your family should consist of. Do what's right for you. Having two is definitely harder at least at first. But it's not too late for you to change your mind :)